...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
