So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
