drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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