If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
