Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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