I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
