Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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