I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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