I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
