i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
