Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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