i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
they're like a gay fantastic four
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
