I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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