I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
