Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is Oprah even human
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
