I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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