Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head