Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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