happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
