I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
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When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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