mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
