My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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