my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
