There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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