My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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