my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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