oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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