Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
