okay pat passed out under dana's car
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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