Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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