"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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