You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I AM VODKA MAN
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
