Cold hands, warm shart.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
