How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
