Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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