The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
