It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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