I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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