Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
