I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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