I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
