It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can I color on your dick again?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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