i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I look better un-naked...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
