She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
