I hope my margaritas pass through security.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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