She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
