thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
