Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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