I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
