Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
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Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
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i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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