My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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