so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I forget how to act sober
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