this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
