what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
