my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
