I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
