If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The air was thick with penises
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
