booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
