I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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