It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
