i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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