I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
