My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
