I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize