just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
