Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
