my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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