Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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