worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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