I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Alive.
So much puke
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
