So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
