It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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