Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
