I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
