As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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