Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
