Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
