This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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